Ode to Danny Wilson and some other stuff too.

Dan Wilson, my paperboy catcher for the Seattle Mariners from 1994-2005 announced that he will retire when the 2005 season ends. Anyone who follows the Mariners knew that it could be a possiblity when he tore a ligament in his knee on May 4th of this year after getting a basehit to left field and had to leave the game. I was working for ANC that game and saw Danny's last at bat and saw him walk off the field. I felt that something was wrong as I watched him walk off with the trainer Rick Griffin. I kind of just stood there with a very worried feeling and didn't want to sit back down. It was like the day before Boonie was traded to Minnesota, i knew that it was his last game in a Mariner uniform. Although today during Wilsons press confrence he said that he would like to play at least one more inning this season before hanging it up. The announcers were talking about who he might catch for, such as long time teammate Jeff Nelson or Jamie Moyer. He gets to make his own ending after the injury, i think that is nice. He is such a good man, not only as a ML baseball player but in the world. He and his wife are so involved in the community and help so many children. He also said that he would like to remain involved with the Mariners in some fashion as well, either it be with the charity work that the team is involved with or down the road maybe a coach of some sort. I really hope that happens. It would be so great to see Dan Wilson a pitching coach and right beside him Edgar Martinez as a batting coach! How about Jay Buhner being a bench coach or an outfield coach? Or maybe Danny could be manager and Jamie Moyer could be the pitching coach when he decides to retire? I like that idea too. There just seem to be some people in this world that it would just be too hard not to remain in contact. (on a side note, when i met Jason I had the same feeling about him, there are just some good people that have to remain a part of your life in some respect). Look at the Mariners since Danny went out with the injury, we have had so many catchers in and out of the position, i think i heard a while back that we have used 6 different guys trying to fill his spot. AND no one will ever have his demeanor, no one can replace what Dan Wilson has, he is just a good man. So, Danny Wilson, I will miss watching your talents on the baseball diamond, but hope that we still see your talents taught to young people all over in this world. Thanks for making the #6 mean something special.

I found a arthritis group on myspace.com and am so happy that i did. I've been reading it for about a week now and it's SO comforting to know that there are young people out there that are stuggling with the same exact things that i am on a daily basis. They actually understand from experience and not just trying to understand by my words. It's so exciting for me to write to people and ask them about the medications that they have been on or are currently on and what worked and side effects. There is a girl that i think is 17 and is on prednisone like I am and experienced something called "moon face" which now i have a term to define my puffy face!! It is a side effect that i knew of, but didn't know it had a cool name. The weight gain is part of it too. But in the past week of reading posts from this group I feel like i have people that i can ask questions to and they can give me an answer that isn't so scientific but is from actual experience! It's a suppot system, but from what I've read so far these people aren't down on what has happened to them, but are there to share their struggles and sucesses with arthritis. I was always a little scared to start reading a group message board for arthritis thinking that it would just bring me down, like there would be constant whining about "why me" but it's not. I've only made a few posts, but everyone seems very welcoming and interested in my story. I have to say that i do have it very good compared to some of the people on there. There are some stories that remind me of when i was very sick and could barely get out of bed some days. One person started a post of 20 things that are difficult to do with RA and so of course other people came up with their own lists of 20, it was fun. I started thinking of how my list has changed over the past few years, I am so grateful! I think i should start thinking of my own list, I don't know if i will post it or not but it could be fun. I got a few good arthritis friendly tips from the list though. It's so great to read peoples ideas on how to beat this disease. It's so helpful to read that I am not alone and never will be, especially because i know that i have an amazing support group around me. I guess that I'm just excited that I fould the group.

On to my vent space, i really should come up with a good name for my venting sessions here, i'll have to start thinkin on that. But my goodness it does make me feel better.
I've been so frustrated with my weight gain from all of the steriods and flare ups that make me sleepy. I'm the heaviest that i have ever been and it really is making me sad. Some days i think that the pain of a flare up would be worth it if i could just fit into my work clothes and not have to wear the same 3 pair of pants every week. Not wear the same few shirts i feel comfortable in, or feel like i might get talked to at work for wearing sleevless shirts because my body chemestry has changed and I get so damn warm when i start working and walking around the dining room. I get so sad when i'm always hungry and know that i should ignore the little voice in my head because it is just the prednisone talking. I have completely lost the ability to recognize when i should stop eating. I just don't ever seem to get full and could sit down and eat a entire meal and 30 minutes later do it again. I've tried drinking water every time i want to eat, but that just endsup making me need to pee every 15 minutes (i've learned that i have a small bladder) and it doesn't curb the hunger at all. I have found that the only thing that stops me thinking of the hunger.... is sleeping.... which luckily since i have been working a lot, I get home most days and fall asleep. And another thing I am so frustrated with is that I have changed my diet so much in the past few months and still nothing! I decided that when i do get hungry that if i eat an apple or pear or some baby carrots that it is better for me that a cheesy tortilla or ramen noodles. I have cut WAY back on my soda and juice intake as well. I have a friend at work that is a personal trainer and i ask her health questions from time to time. I asked about beverages one day and she told me about the healthier options over juice (which i hadn't noticed that there is nearly as much sugar and calories in a glass of juice as there is in a can of soda) and Lauren suggested water of course, but if i want something that i actually like, milk. Even chocolate milk is better than juice. I guess that I'm just trying to be concious of what goes in my body even though it doesn't seem to be doing anything for the continued weight gain. The docs tell me that the magic thing to get the weight off is tapering the prednisone. I have to get through the slow taper process though. One mg every 2 weeks. I'm so tempted to go faster but the last time I did that i had a major flare that made me miss a day of work. I just can't seem to find a good balance. I should sit down and really think about trying to get a work schedule so that i get enough rest and don't feel guilty. I just don't know how to go about it. I really would like to have a review with my boss, and i know i deserve a raise because my last raise sorta pisses me off. And I am totally willing to take on more, as long as i don't feel guilty when i get tired. I don't know how to convey that i get strssed out and sometimes need help. I feel guilty for asking people to help because we are all in the same boat with how busy this summer has been. I was thinking that sunday i should have taken a personal day because everything was just pissing me off. But it just seems like i would be putting so much more stress on my teammates if i did that and asked for help when they already are stretched so thin. I think that i need to have a meeting with my boss and discus these issues that i'm having. I don't know if the dining room meeting is a place to bring it up, but maybe. We will all be there and i could just try maybe. I dunno. I'll give it some more thought. I don't feel like writing anymore, i wanna go play on the white board on bebo.

Annie