Thursday, March 01, 2007

people suck, weather is hurtful

It is so hard to try to explain how the weather affects me to people who do not understand what I have. Not that I expect everyone to, or want everyone to for that matter. But I get frustrated with myself and my body for getting so tired when cold combined with humid slows me down to a near halt. The entire weekend I had off all I did was laze around and let my arthritis win. I had to make myself get out of bed each day as a consious (sp??) choice. I would have stayed in bed all day of my mind would have let me. Sleep is just better than being awake sometimes.
I went to the arthritis doctor last week and was talking to the nurse about prescriptions and getting them filled (I had an issue with getting the strong drug written prescrip. that I need new each month) and she recently had back surgery and had a prescription for vicodin and she said that she felt weird getting just one filled for the pain after her surgery. And when I was getting one of my prescriptions filled (for vicodin that I usually need as a back-up for when I run out of the stronger stuff or combine with something else when it's a little worse) and the paperwork had not gone through due to confusion of a relayed message the prior week before. And the nurse happened to mention to me that the Pharm. person said something about how many drug stores I go to to get my presciptions filled at (I use three different pharmacies for different things, although I have had a few one time prescrips filled at many different places.) I get the idea that the person that the nurse was thinking that I was either abusing the drugs that I was being prescribed or selling them and I was a dealer. It has just made me feel weird and made me think about how many places I have had prescriptions filled at and what the people behind the counter think of me when I go and pick something up. The nurse told me that she told the person at Bartells that I was not a person that either abuses or sells prescription drugs and not to think of me like that and put me on the good side of people that come and get drugs from their store. I don't know why it has bothered me so much, but I feel like I am snickered at everytime I go and get a pain prescrip. filled. Not just at that store but all of them. I never gave it a second thought before last week, but now I only want one place and want to build a personal relationship with one store and say "FUCK YOU" to all the rest. But damn, I just moved in the past year and my doctor is pretty far away from me at late hours in the business day, so I may occasionally get something filled at a location that is still open so that I am sure to get it filled. Stupid stupid people with their damn looks and comments. I know the world is not perfect, neither are the people in it, but don't they understand that there are other people out there that may not abuse a drug that is "popular" to abuse at the current time, and HEY! they may take it as the doctor actually prescribes?! HEY! maybe, just maybe there are people out there that do not need to sell drugs to make a living and try to do the best they can with what they have. AND maybe I may get something done in the place I am at the time, or just don't know what the correct process is to get something transfered from one pharmacy to another? I am just a person who calls the number on the bottle when I need a refill and if it happens to be at different locations, what do I care, it's not out of my way, it is all within the same stomping grounds (mostly). So in closing, fuck all you people who are in a industry that deals with people who get a anti-biotic every 10 years and people who are struggling with chronic illnesses that need drugs every month and because of our fucked up people these days we can't go get a simple medicine that helps us function day to day without the second looks from those who dispense these and deal with the insurance companies. I have a hard enough time just dealing with what I have going on, I really don't need the petty remarks and thoughts that I know you are thinking to make me go farther back in the darkness that I already live in.


Valorie Zimmerman said...

Oh, darling, I'm so sorry you are having to face this shit, on top of the pain and fatigue! I remember how hard it was for Carol, having to chase around each month, and face all that "drug-seeking" crap handed out. :(

'Cuz pain is such a GOOD thing, I guess.


I hope spring comes soon for you, my dear.


Call me sometime when you have a minute, and want to talk.



Valorie Zimmerman said...

Just to cheer you up:

Love you!


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your pain and thoughtless people you have to see. I could not see this happening to you 7 years ago when we first chatted on Bolt. Congratulations on getting married in 2005, You still have that same great smile even under all that pain. Oh, how did I find you, I was thinking of you cause of baseball season and found you through your dad's site, ( its great). Take care and live your life regardless of how ignorant people may see you. They don't know you, they're just envious of you. Daniel---from So Cal, remember I sent you Starbucks when you were staying in Arizona at the bakery. :)